106: Writing From the Scar, Not the Wound: Jennifer Ciaramello on Her Memoir Quiet Boil
Jennifer Ciaramello is the author of Quiet Boil and founder of Quiet Boil Project, a faith-based ministry for women learning to notice the slow-building heat in their lives and step out of it. She's also a licensed aesthetician with 26 years in the beauty industry.
In this episode, Jennifer shares how her book began as a box of handwritten notes. She also shares how that box sat untouched for fifteen years before COVID boredom brought her back to it. We talk about the difference between writing to process and writing to publish, why the ending was harder to write than the trauma itself, and the new moon ritual she used to release the manuscript once it was done. This was a first!
In this episode:
Why the box became her earliest writing tool, and how this process for your own memories
The difference between writing from the wound and writing from the scar
Why the hardest chapter to write was the one she tried to force
What it meant to burn her own book — and why she's done the same ritual with other physical reminders of her past
Letting go of control over how (and whether) a book performs
Her next three projects — these are so fun!
Connect with Jennifer:
The book links below are Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Jennifer M. Ciaramello is a licensed esthetician, entrepreneur, singer, writer, photographer, and follower of Christ who lives in Florida with her husband, Sway. For twenty-seven years, she has helped women care for their outward beauty through her business, Skin Chic, LLC. In her memoir Quiet Boil, she shares a much deeper story: a journey through trauma, abuse, abandonment, addiction, and loss to redemption and God's faithfulness. Through the Quiet Boil Project, Jennifer writes, speaks, and prays with women trapped in unhealthy or abusive situations, encouraging them to recognize their worth, find their voice, and take steps toward safety, healing, and restoration.
Connect with Jacqueline Fisch:
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Jacqueline: [00:00:00] Welcome back to How Women Write. I am so excited to bring you today's guest, Jennifer Ciaramello. She is the author, her first book, Quiet Boil, founder of Quiet Boil Project, and she is also an esthetician. So many things that Jen does. Her and I met in real life literally, like, just about a year ago, before we're recording this , which could not be more perfect.
I just love this. . I'm honored to have had a early look at the book, and I ju- I just feel so privileged to be able to see that. Yeah. So today we're gonna get into how she wrote it, how it came together- Mm
what almost stopped her. All the things. Welcome, Jen. I'm so happy you're here.
Jennifer: Hi, Jacqueline. Thank you so much. I'm truly honored. It's incredible to release the book , and now I'm on your [00:01:00] podcast. And yes, it's been a year with you. Or two ... it feels like much longer.
But it's really an honor. It really is. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Hi, everybody.
Jacqueline: Yes. Hi. I'm so excited. So it's been two days since the book came out. Yes. How are you feeling right now? Check in.
Jennifer: Uh, vulnerable- Mm-hmm ... excited, emotional. All in that mix. That
Jacqueline: sums it up.
Jennifer: Yeah. That's ... It's very emotional. It feels like I've birthed a baby. And you, you actually reminded me yesterday, I actually did birth a baby. So it's my , first baby. I have three more. I haven't told anyone. I'm working. It's gonna be a whole thing, but Quiet Boil is the first.
And not an easy, not a ... The others, I think, will be a lot easier than this one. This one's the most emotional. This is about my journey, , my testimony, my bad decisions, my bad choices, bad [00:02:00] things that have happened to me, and how God, how God brought me through.
Jacqueline: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer: No one talks about the lifestyle, and it is seedy and it is the underbelly of our society, and no one talks about the damages that it can have in a marriage, in relationships, and with working, your body, your psyche, your heart, your relationship with the Lord.
. That's where I get the, the simmering in the pot is- ... the simmering in the pot of sin. And it's, Yeah. Am I going off topic?
Jacqueline: No. You went deep right away, and I love that so much. Oh, I'm
Jennifer: sorry.
Jacqueline: No, it's so good.
Jennifer: Okay.
Jacqueline: I only do deep. I don't do surface level. Oh, okay, good.
You know that. Me
Jennifer: too. All right.
Jacqueline: But, so this was so- this was a term I hadn't heard before. So for listeners who are hearing the term the lifestyle- Mm ... I'm using air quotes. Mm-hmm. Can you tell us what that means?
Jennifer: Well, the lifestyle, air quotes, is the swinging lifestyle. Couples together, sexual [00:03:00] relationships and connections, and very drug forced and very drug focused, party focused.
And the way I ended up in it was due to gaslighting, coercion, and punishment. And . all I wanted to do was be loved, and all I wanted to do was make my husband happy. And- ... unfortunately, it became very self-destructive. So-
Jacqueline: Yes ...
Jennifer: yeah. It's really bad. So the lifestyle is out there.
Jacqueline: That's something I did not realize.
Jennifer: The lifestyle is everywhere. It's your bus driver, it's a cop, it's a teacher, it's business owners.
It's people in the church. It's people who are not in the church. , It really truly is an undercurrent in the deep bowels , of society. It truly is, and no one talks about it. [00:04:00] You're afraid to talk about it, or if you do talk about it, you're very prideful because in your mind, you believe the lie that you are so open-minded.
That you... "Look how evolved I am. Look how open we are. Look how open-minded and loving and and inclusive that we are." But actually it's very, , yeah, it's very destructive,
Jacqueline: yeah.
Jennifer: It's all a lie. Yeah.
Jacqueline: Damaging on so many levels. I, maybe I live in a bubble. Uh, obviously I do live in a bubble, 'cause I did not realize how-
Jennifer: Yeah
Jacqueline: everywhere it was.
Jennifer: It is. It's everywhere, and no one talks about it.
Jacqueline: Mm.
Jennifer: I'm talking about it.
Jacqueline: You are talking about it.
Jennifer: And we'll see what happens. The only way I got in as I was saying before, it was years of gaslighting and coercion and , broke me down.
It sounds harmless in the beginning because you go to a strip club , and then you're with other [00:05:00] like-minded people there, and then you go into you know, meeting other couples, and then you go into partying with other couples, and then you end up going deeper than that, if you understand what I'm saying.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And It took me a long... A part of writing the book has allowed me to forgive myself because I didn't know why I was so susceptible-
Jacqueline: Yeah ...
Jennifer: to getting into something like that.
Jacqueline: Yep.
Jennifer: And I was far more naive than I thought I was, so yeah, very innocent. And I say predator, air quotes because he smelled me from a mile away.
Jacqueline: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer: And locked in.
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: Yep, locked in.
Jacqueline: Thanks for sharing that with us.
Jennifer: You're welcome.
Jacqueline: Tell us about the spark for the book. When did you start writing it?
Jennifer: Okay, so I escaped the husband.
Jacqueline: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer: His, his name is Harry in the book. [00:06:00] Quotation. And no, his name is Tom. Whoops, I'm getting all my Toms, Dicks, and Harrys all mixed up he's under Tom. And Tom when I escaped Minnesota and flew down to Florida with only a suitcase, I was staying with my parents in Florida, and I was floating in the pool, and I never left that house for six months. And I was floating in the pool, and I'm listening to praise and worship, and I'm just enjoying the vitamin D, especially coming from Minnesota.
Yes. And I'm floating in the pool, and I say this with my eyes closed because I'm right there, and God told me to write a book. And I'm like, "Er, what? No." "I don't write. I don't write books." He goes, "You're gonna write a book. Start writing your memories down."
So I got a box. I got a pen and paper. And anything that he would bring to my memory, I would jot it down.
Now, at the time, I'm thinking I'm getting it out of my body, this is therapeutic, and this'll be great. [00:07:00] I didn't actually realize that writing it would be even more therapeutic, and that's why I had a therapist with- Yes ... with me in a parallel traveling. While I was writing it, she was helping me through every chapter, but I digress.
And I just wrote it in, and I wrote in little notes. And all of a sudden I'd go, "Ooh, light bulb moment." I'd be sitting at the table eating dinner, and I'd go, "Ooh, I gotta write this down." And I'd run, and I'd write it down and cry, and then come back and finish my dinner. And this went on for the six months.
And then after the six months, I was getting out, and starting to venture out, and meeting church people, and starting to sing, and getting back into society, if you will. And I put the box away, and I didn't pick it up till , 15 years later, COVID.
And I was bored, and I was home. Me and my husband was working from home.
He's at Campus Crusade, and he was working from home and I was like, "I, I can't just... I'm cooking three meals a day. [00:08:00] We're gaining all this weight, and I gotta do something." And I just started to , write it down. And Sway went, "Oh, I have a computer now." I'm not a computer literate person in, in any way, shape, or form.
And he goes, "Just, you know, start writing. Start tapping. Just start tapping." Yeah. So he, he helped me a lot, ... And then Four months I had seven chapters written. Wow. It like, came out like, like the, the void, the dam broke and everything came out. And then I sat on it for a couple months, didn't touch it, and then I went back to it and I went, "Nope, not in the mood."
And then I would come back to it, and come back to it, and it's definitely a journey. , Even the book is printed out and it's here, it's still not done. It's a journey, it's not the destination. It's now- ... my new journey is who can I help? Who can be touched? Who can come to Christ? Who can find help and a way to jump out of the pot?
And [00:09:00] who needs resources for your journey and dating as well. Also by working with a therapist, since I had it all written down, I didn't know how to compartmentalize anything or what would be in what chapter or what kind of outline. So working through therapy, because it is a very therapeutic book for me not only for me, but for the readers, I wanted to be also the best version of myself To-
be able to help women with the book. So I had to do a lot of work, and that's great, and it's been, ... I would never, ever change that because I am where I am because of it. So that's yeah. So it kind of, it morphed within this last two years, it's morphed a lot. I add, oh, I'll decide, ooh, let's add reflection questions.
So I had to go through all the book and add the reflection questions, and I was like, "I don't really like the ending." And then I'm like, "Hmm, where do I end?" And then, oh, la, ooh, beyond the boiling point. Okay, I can, I can finish [00:10:00] that way. So it- Yeah ... it, even though you have it in your head the way your book is going to look, it's not gonna end up that way.
Jacqueline: Oh, yes.
Jennifer: And so you have to give yourself a lot of grace. A lot of grace, and say, "You know what? I'm not feeling in the mood to write today," and I didn't. But this isn't fiction. This isn't as informative. This is emotional. So I had to be in the right place for it.
It's just a different category, if you will. Does that make sense?
Jacqueline: Absolutely. There's so many things in there that I think are so important. One- ... you recognized right away how healing it was-
Jennifer: Mm-hmm ...
Jacqueline: to do that. It was necessary, and you engaged a therapist. And I think you might not have realized this at the time, this is an expression that I teach in the writing world, we write from the scar, not the wound.
So you were writing from the wound, 'cause there was still wounding there.
Jennifer: Yes.
Jacqueline: And it [00:11:00] was processing and working- Yes ... with your therapist. Mm-hmm. And then you put it down for 15 years. That's, that's a bit ... I know you're laughing, but I know ... I know there's listeners who have put books down and- For years
haven't picked them back up yet. Oh. So this project starting to finish- Oh, I
Jennifer: wanna encourage them to do so.
Jacqueline: Yes. But you picked it up. I did. You, like, you didn't say, "Oh, it's been 15 years, it's too long, I can't do it." No.
Jennifer: Well, COVID helped. I was bored.
Not to deflect what you're saying, and I appreciate that.
Um, it does, it takes work.
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: It takes work, and you have to set aside time or when the mood hits you, or your book actually helped. I wish I had your book, Writing With the Moon- ... , before I wrote mine- That's okay ... 'cause I was like- It'll help you next time ... Virgo, and it's so true. So I just and I read yours, I was like, "This is really true," and it resonated with me, after I wrote my book.
But I have three more coming, like I said, so. That
Jacqueline: is [00:12:00] good.
Jennifer: It'll help. I definitely- It'll, it will help me. But
Jacqueline: yes,
Jennifer: I- I definitely wanna
Jacqueline: get to those.
Jennifer: I. i'll definitely give you those. But I wanna encourage people, even if you- I'll tell you a story There's a lady who we know in the networking group , and she sat next to me.
And she goes, "Oh, you finished your book." And I said, "I did." And she goes, "I have a book." And I go, "What?" And she goes, "It's inside me." And I said, "You better let that out." And she goes, "I don't know." And I go, "You can do it. You can do it. If I can do it, you can do it." And then of course , our guest Jacqueline said some wonderful things, and all of a sudden I can feel her radiating.
She sat between us, actually-
Jacqueline: Yep ...
Jennifer: yesterday. And I could feel her, like, buzzing and vibrating like, "I gotta write this book. I gotta write this book." So just to be an encouragement for someone ... I'm so honored to just- Yeah ... have somebody go, "Wow, if you can do it, [00:13:00] I can do it." And you can. You can do it.
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: You can do it.
Jacqueline: Yeah. If anyone listening is doubting themselves-
Jennifer: Please
Jacqueline: don't ... do... Yeah, don't. You can do it. Please. It doesn't matter how long it takes you.
Jennifer: Nope.
Jacqueline: You've touched on something- Mine was 20 years ... yeah, 20 years.
Jennifer: Mm-hmm.
Jacqueline: Where I hear some people say "Oh my God, this is taking me five months."
Oh, God bless. And I'm like, "Let me tell you a story."
Jennifer: Okay.
Jacqueline: Let me tell you about this, this woman I know.
Jennifer: Uh, five months, that's cute. Oh, isn't that adorable? No, I'm- I know, I
Jacqueline: know ...
Jennifer: I, no, not to be condescending. I'm joking.
Jacqueline: No, everyone's story comes together in their own time.
Jennifer: That's right. Mm-hmm.
Jacqueline: And the timing was there, and- Yeah ... and it was healing. And by having the book published-
...
Jacqueline: And in the world, one, . i just love...
And because you're very ear- very early in the publishing journey with this, 'cause it literally came out two days ago-
Jennifer: I am ...
Jacqueline: the people who it will touch might surprise [00:14:00] you. Their stories aren't gonna be exactly the same. They might be the same. Or, and/or it's going to encourage people to tell their story-
Jennifer: Good
Jacqueline: and realize that they absolutely can do it
Jennifer: And that's wonderful.
Jacqueline: So I know that a lot of parts of the writing process were challenging.
Jennifer: Yes.
Jacqueline: Like, the whole thing was challenging. Yes. Was there a particular, whether it was time when you were writing or editing, or a particular section that was just extra hard?
Jennifer: Well, I didn't know how to end it.
Jacqueline: Mm.
Jennifer: I could put out all the bad stuff of what happened, and that just poured out of me, but then I'm like, "How am I gonna end the thing?" And I even wrote this in the pro frog, which is not pro
Jacqueline: frog. It was very cute. Thanks. Thank you. But I wrote- Pro frog, I love that.
Thank you. I giggled to myself when I saw that.
Jennifer: Thank you. I took creative writing in college, and [00:15:00] I specifically remember asking the professor, "How do I write? How do I do this?" And well, said very sweetly, "First you start at the beginning, then you have a middle, and then you have an ending." And I'm like, "This doesn't help me."
But, I knew deep in my heart that I wanted a happy ending.
Jacqueline: Yes. '
Jennifer: Cause it's a really tragic story, so I wanted to end up on a high light, and it's really my husband's way because I did it right. It took me three times, but I did it right. And until I felt completely safe, till I had a full circle moment in what I was trying to find then finding it, it connected everything and there came my ending.
So that's, but I, that's, that was the one thing. How do I, how do I finish it? How it was easy to get out the trauma. It was easy... I know that sounds strange to say easy, but it just poured out. Yeah. It poured out of me. So the [00:16:00] writing process on the trauma was easy. It was the, how do I finish and talk about my life now in reflection, to me, that was the hardest.
Mm-hmm. I know that sounds so strange. It was the hardest thing I've ever done is write this book, and it was the easiest thing I've ever done. I don't know how to explain that.
Jacqueline: I know exactly what you're saying.
Jennifer: Okay.
Jacqueline: And anyone who's finished a book- Under- ... will probably echo that too. So you did something really interesting that I've never seen anyone do when you finished your book.
You burned it.
Jennifer: Yes.
Jacqueline: Tell us a bit about that. What does that mean? Tell us what you did and why you did that.
Jennifer: I posted it on Facebook, and I got a lot of questions.
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: When I was divorcing Harry, he's in the book, when I was divorcing him, I had a girlfriend , who's been a girlfriend and a friend of mine for many, many years, and she said, "We should do a new moon burning."
And I'm like, "What the heck is that?" And she says, "Don't worry, just come over. Bring [00:17:00] everything you wanna burn and let go." And I went, "Okay." So I hauled two trash bags to her house.
Jacqueline: She wasn't expecting that.
Jennifer: Not in any way, shape, or form. And I didn't even, I didn't know what I was doing. I was like, I threw in, I had glassware and I, I didn't know what I was doing at all.
It took us an hour and a half and everything that I would grab, I would tell the memory of why I wanna let it go, and then throw it in the fire and let it go. Kind of a burnt offering to the Lord as well. Yeah. A little bit. So when at the end, after an hour and a half and we're in our backyard, and the bonfire's going, I burned the wedding dress I put the wedding dress in the fire and the blackest toxic smoke came.
I bet. We were both like, it was like, it was b- And we were at night and this was black. I've never seen such a black before, and it just made me laugh. But I woke up the next day and I felt totally [00:18:00] different. Same with burning the book. Now I burned my very first non-proof book that I actually got from- Yes
self-publishing, thank God, Amazon. And I yeah, we burned it in my backyard and it was actually a new moon, it was the Leo moon, and we also had a solar eclipse that day. Yes. So it felt very like, "Okay, Lord, I hear you," and I burned it. The next day I felt totally different.
Like, I just gave it, I gave it up. Now my mother, love you, Mom she said, "Are you gonna burn it?" And like so excited 'cause she gets it. And I said, "Yeah"- Yeah ... I'm gonna burn it. But then you don't have it really scheduled, it just kind of happened, and I thought, "Wow, tonight's a really good night." So, it just worked out.
It worked out that way. But I do recommend... Now, I don't recommend torching your house full of things, of course. You know-
Jacqueline: Yes ...
Jennifer: you have to be re- responsible when you do this. But if there's something that you're holding onto, and I tell women, 'cause I work with them a lot [00:19:00] in my spa, and I said, "Do you have anything from that person, or do you have a letter or something?"
I go, "Burn it and let it go." Mm-hmm. Just let it go. And it really is a very cleansing, cathartic, actual f- physical act that you actually feel inside the ne- it's usually the next day. Not that day, but you have to kind of sleep on it, and then- Yeah ... and then you're like, you wake up and you're just like, wow, you're lightened and you know that you gave it to the Lord, and it no longer serves you.
And so all that pain I burned, and all those memories I burned. Now I can share it physically, but it's out of me.
Jacqueline: Yes.
Jennifer: And into the world, and now I don't have to carry it anymore. And burning allowed me to make that transition between in my mind, in my heart, on the paper, and to God.
Jacqueline: Yeah. I love that so much for so many reasons.
All the reasons you said. And I think the [00:20:00] other piece that I see authors struggle with is- ... control, and wanting to control the book process, control what it does. It must be a bestseller. It must sell X number of copies. I need to make X amount of money. Need to make my money back, especially self publishers, I need to make my money back.
And when you are gripping something that tightly- ... that's not yours to control. Give it up to God and let go.
Jennifer: Boy, did I try to control it Every month I
Jacqueline: try
Jennifer: to control There he goes. Like, what? I would go, "Okay, um, I, I..." To me, in my control, last year I was supposed to be out by the end of last year.
So I'm six months behind, and I can't beat myself up because it wasn't the right time. It's good to have a goal, but if you don't make it, that's okay. It's good to make money, but if I don't, that's okay. It is the law of reap and sowing, [00:21:00] you sow all these seeds out in the world, you will reap.
It may not be financial. It may be a gift. Like, I got a wonderful gift from someone yesterday for it, and I thought, "That's beautiful." Or a, a, a, a, a s- "I love the artwork on your book," 'cause I drew it, and, I love the artwork. That, to me, is return. It's not about money. And I'm really sa- I feel sad for those who are ruled by that because there's no freedom in that.
God can bless us in all different... And it doesn't have to be financial. And if you just let that go, and you see a gift as God's blessing, or you see a word of acknowledgement as God's blessing, that's worth more than money anyway.
Jacqueline: Absolutely.
Jennifer: So I encourage those who feel that way, please, please change your thinking.
Please pray about it, and please change because it's, not gonna help. It's not gonna help you, and it won't give you peace. It won't give you joy. It won't give you happiness, and nor contentment. [00:22:00] And we really do
Jacqueline: want- And nor can you control.
Jennifer: No. You can't. You can't at all.
Jacqueline: You can't control whose hands this gets in.
No. You can't tell Amazon who to send it to. No. Who not to send it to. No. Like, how boring is that? I think- Yeah ... it's so much more fun and so much more of an adventure- Well,
Jennifer: and less
Jacqueline: conflict. Yeah. Like, ... Who needs to get this book? The doors that you don't know that are gonna open, the doors, the windows.
You have no idea.
Jennifer: Can I share something with you?
Jacqueline: Yeah, please.
Jennifer: I found this very interesting. In the last two days, I've had people who I swore would be all over this book not interested at all, and p- people I never thought of are all over the book. See, you can't even control your readers. You can't control your receivers.
You can't control where it's going to. But you just have to trust that it's going in the right hands at the right time, and there's freedom in that.
Jacqueline: Yeah. At the end of the day, that's what it's about. It's the freedom.
Jennifer: That's right. And joy. We always want more [00:23:00] joy.
Jacqueline: Of course.
Jennifer: Freedom
Jacqueline: and joy. Can you talk about your next writing projects?
Jennifer: Yes, I have three.
Jacqueline: Ooh, tell us about it. ... And I wanna hear if you know how you're gonna go about them.
Jennifer: No. '
Jacqueline: Cause I'm guessing you're not gonna take 20 years
Jennifer: to write the next one. Well, I'm hoping a publisher will pick my book up from Amazon and wanna do a whole course, you know.
Of course, that's, you know, throw it out there. Yes. A second edition on Quiet Bowl, but my next one I wanna do a cookbook called The Quiet Kitchen.
Jacqueline: Mm.
Jennifer: And it is all my recipes, all of my mom's and my parents' recipes, and I'm kind of switching it up, going through different apparatuses of cooking.
I wanna do a wok section, a Crock-Pot section, a Dutch oven section. I wanna do a stainless steel pan section. Not just, oh, salads, soups, this, that. I wanna shake it up because being a [00:24:00] cook, you should know your tools. And the why it's called The Quiet Kitchen is you would never guess that the kitchen would be quiet, right?
It's the heart of the house. There's a lot of bumble going on and a lot of clinging and clanging and water and, sizzling and so for me, all those sounds relax my heart, and it really helped heal- through the journey of writing the book. I became a really good cook in the last five years.
It's been amazing, and I wanna share my recipes, and yeah, I wanna share them, and I want to just bless people with simple recipes and of course quips and stories and scripture and... So that's called The Quiet Kitchen. I have 32 recipes so far, which I think is pretty, pretty good.
Jacqueline: That's exciting.
So ... that's the next book, a cookbook.
Jennifer: That's The Quiet Kitchen.
Jacqueline: Are you open to talking about the other two?
Jennifer: Yes. Quiet, the ne- next would be [00:25:00] The Quiet Garden. Ooh, yeah ... I want a coffee table book of all the pictures that I've taken, and scripture and poetry, 'cause I write poetry as well, and drawings, and just that because gardening too, as the cooking helped me as well very therapeutic and brings me peace and calm.
And then there's such beauty and technique in plants and flowers, so I wanted to share that.
Jacqueline: I love it.
Jennifer: Thank you. So then the fourth will be The Quiet Aesthetician, and being an aesthetician for the past 26 years, owning a spa, doing everything under the sun that I can possibly hold in any position as an aesthetician I've done.
And so I wanna tell my story. I have funny stories of being an aesthetician, as you can well
Jacqueline: imagine. I
Jennifer: bet. Uh-huh. And a lot of healing, and then of course tips and tricks for fellow [00:26:00] aestheticians.
So it's kind of a mentoring, funny book, It's a definitely a niche in, for the beauty industry, but-
Jacqueline: Yeah
Jennifer: yep, that will be fun and I'm not in a rush for that. I do wanna get the kitchen and the garden done first, and then diet- So that's the
Jacqueline: order you wanna write them in as well?
Jennifer: Correct.
Jacqueline: Okay. Yeah. That's exciting. I'm excited
Jennifer: about that. I wanna ride the ride, girl.
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Jacqueline: How do you see yourself writing...
And then they're very different books than- Oh, totally ... Quiet Boyle, of course. Oh. But how do you see yourself writing the next one? Like, what will you do differently, or even the same?
Jennifer: I think the same. Yeah. I just go with the flow. If I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood. My husband has already put the format on the computer, so all I have to do is start, you know, plugging it in, and- That's nice
Just, getting through the recipes and making sure it makes sense, and I gotta make sure I say salt and not sugar. But I don't think I'll change 'cause I think... But I m- but I might, Jacqueline, because it's a different book, so- Yeah ... I don't [00:27:00] wanna pigeonhole myself.
No. I don't wanna put myself in a specific lane because I'm not in control, right?
Jacqueline: Yeah.
Jennifer: Wink, wink.
Jacqueline: Yes. I love that. Yeah. That's such a good approach to take too. Thank you. And anyone I've met who's written a second or third book-
Jennifer: Yes ...
Jacqueline: they never write them the same way. They're each their own project, and like you said, you birthed a baby.
Jennifer: Mm.
Jacqueline: Every child- You did ... is different, so of course every book is gonna be different too.
Jennifer: Yeah. But I just... Yeah, yes. It's so strange to be asked how I write. Because I never really actually stood back and thought about it. Yeah. And that's why I love your po- I love your podcast for that, because it's so helpful.
I've listened to many of them.
Jacqueline: Thank you.
Jennifer: Fabulous. You are very, very good at what you do, and you've found exactly the square peg where you fit in, and it's marvelous. I do wanna tip my hat to you, darling.
Jacqueline: Aw, thank you. Yeah. I truly [00:28:00] appreciate that. Yeah. I know. Sometimes the questions I ask, a lot of people are surprised, because no one has ever asked them, but- That's the truth
other writers want to know, like, "How did you do this?" And for most cases, it's actually permission giving, because- ... they see that there's so many different ways to write a book. There's no wrong way to do it. There's no wrong or right timeframe. Everyone is- Yeah ... different, and it's such an encouragement to go your own way, and I think it also just gives people ideas, like, oh.
Like in your- Yes ... book, I actually love you mentioned when you have these stories, doing what you did. Get a box and start- Yes ... putting them in the box. And I also- Yes ... love that as a, a literal container. , Instead of a document that you can't see that's on your computer-
Jennifer: Yes ...
Jacqueline: or in a notebook, it's in a box so you know where they are.
And you- Yes ... can go into it whenever you're ready. Or like you said, sometimes you're like, "Nope, not ready."
Jennifer: Nope, not ready. Let's do this.
Jacqueline: Right. [00:29:00]
Jennifer: Y- and you just gotta, , use your intuition. Now I'm really truly, the light bulb's going on over my head on the intuitive writing school, 'cause it is- Mm
using your intuition. It's like in the morning when I'd wake up, I would go, "Oh, I can't wait to write today," or I'd- Mm ... wake up and go, "I don't even wanna look at the thing." So it really is a, it's a journey. Like I said, I sat down and I wrote six- chapter three months, and then didn't touch it for eight, , it's kind of spurts. You can go in spurts, but I do recommend the box. Even if there's a memory that you can't write it down, but it looks like a, it could be a, little tchotchke that you saw that reminds you of that, put it in the box.
Jacqueline: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer: Then when you're ready, you open the box and you take one thing out.
You write about that, put it aside. Take another thing out. You write about that, put it to a side. Doesn't have to be chronological, as long as it's out. Very nice. [00:30:00] And then you can start piecemealing it together in one format. It takes time. You can't, you know, five months, oh, how cute is that? How, how adorable is she or he?
But no, , you have to give yourself grace and patience and time and more grace than anything if you're not interested in writing that day. Give yourself permission not to write. Yep.
Jacqueline: Yep.
Jennifer: Because you don't have a deadline. Unless you have a deadline, then, you know, get off your butt and do it, but- ... if you don't, then what's the rush?
You don't wanna force it because then you can tell you're forcing it too. I've noticed that. Exactly. I'll tell you this I forced chapter nine. I forced it. I was like, "Okay, just gotta get this stuff out, get this stuff out, get this stuff out" And then it didn't, and it's, it, chapter nine is called So Many Pots, So Little Time: Embracing My True Self was- power, and I wanted to just get it done. It's like, okay, I don't like these guys, [00:31:00] so I'm just gonna write these down, and then I went back. It sounded forced when it was all together and through. I was like, "Oh, this doesn't sound right," and now I have to give myself patience and time to really develop that chapter, 'cause it will stick out like a sore thumb.
Jacqueline: Mm. Yep. That is great advice. I love that. Thank you. Jennifer, thank you so much-
Jennifer: My pleasure ...
Jacqueline: for being here. I love wrapping up on a really simple question. When you were writing, did you like to sip anything in particular?
Jennifer: Well, first I started with wine, and then I was gonna become an alcoholic. So I'm not lying.
I'm not lying. Um, tea. I'm a tea drinker. Yeah. So I have a- lemongrass tea right here with me, so. But I si- I sip tea now, 'cause the wine, you know, that's helpful, but it, you really do blur the words, so I don't recommend it. Yeah, it
Jacqueline: Doesn't really help.
Jennifer: Or have one, but stop there.
Jacqueline: I [00:32:00] love that. And some lemongrass sounds so refreshing.
Jennifer: I grow it myself and make it myself.
Jacqueline: Ooh, I love that.
Jennifer: Of course you do ... I'm not telling you anything. It's gonna be in my next book.
Jacqueline: Oh, can't wait. Can you write that one, can you write that one next?
Jennifer: Yes, ma'am. Quiet Kitchen, on its way.
Jacqueline: I'm so excited.
So we will link to your book and your website-
Jennifer: Thank you
Jacqueline: so that listeners can jump there and grab it afterwards and follow your journey. Jennifer, thank you so much for being here.
Jennifer: My pleasure, Jacqueline. Thank you. I'm truly, truly honored
