unsustainable
At first, I was excited.
All this time at home without school drop-offs and pick-ups, hockey, gymnastics, dance, piano, karate.
I’m going to have so much time!
With the flip of a switch as soon as school was canceled here, life changed.
I thought to myself...
I’ll finally finish my book revisions.
I'll be able to write so much.
My website will finally get all the updates it needs.
There are so many things on my to-do list I'll be able to get done.
And I wonder why my mind immediately went to being productive.
I can DO so much more. I can show up and DO more.
Why do I need to be so productive?
Sometimes change is slow and deliberate and other times, it’s hurled at you like a 20-pound medicine ball. You either brace your gut, stretch out your arms and catch it or get the hell out of the way and hope you don’t smash your toes.
Yes, we saw this change coming, but until it’s in your backyard, and on everyone’s lips, it’s not reality.
In one day we went from activities, a full day of school, a full day of work, to our new normal of sheltering in place.
There was life before social distancing and life after.
Life before was filled with days stuffed full like an extra 10 pounds of chocolate cake stuffed into a crisp, brand new pair of Spanx. Anything we thought we might have room for — sure, stuff it in. It’ll fit, just push harder. You’re not pushing hard enough.
Anything we were afraid to say no to — sure, we’ll figure it out.
And yes, I can schedule the kids’ activities to start within 10 minutes of each other a 20-minute drive away. I’ll just leave earlier.
Holy shit. Just reading about pre-corona life is fucking exhausting.
Week 1 of adjusting to the crisis was also jam-packed.
Let’s see how many calls I can squeeze in.
If we’re going to be home all week, we need some more groceries, toilet paper, and wine.
I can do more than I did last week, I’ll have all the time in the world.
Doing a few extra live sessions and 8 extra hours of hosted co-writing.
Rewriting copy for clients who needed to pivot.
I’m grateful that I have the skills to pivot and serve my clients in the way they needed the most. And do it in record speed.
Day 1 of the kids’ distance-learning, they were done “school” by 11 am. Yet, I was plugging away and looked up at the clock — 6 pm.
Holy crap — normally the bulk of my workday would end at 3 pm where I’d get the kids from school. And now, well, I could be more productive.
I probably don’t need to tell you this, but this sprint didn’t last long. By Thursday of week 1, I was laying on the couch after dinner checking my pulse and Googling normal pulse rates.
Everything slowed down. The tightness in my chest and sore throat forced me to hit the brakes. I wasn’t going to try and muscle my way through. We could have weeks, maybe months at home like this, and this pace is not sustainable.
Heck, our lives before were unsustainable — look what happened.
Work, activities, school, family, the speed at which we could get grocery bags filled with foods we can’t pronounce from far off lands, but you know, need them — all unsustainable.
In the first week of the change, I was sleeping between 9-11 hours each night. I set my alarm for a little later and still went to bed early. Why was I so exhausted?
Because that 7-minute mile pace I’d been running in my life wasn’t working for me anymore.
Sure, my business grew more in 2019 than it did in 2018 — but was I any happier? Were all my big projects getting finished? Slow progress and lots of stops and starts most of the way around.
I’m a fan of big goals and am proud to say that it’s only March, and I’m making progress. Maybe a little slower than I’d like but global pandemics have that effect.
My 3 big goals for 2020:
Launch the Write Like a MOFO Membership site - check!
Finish my book - round 1 revisions - check!
Start a podcast - there are 3 other people at home with me now, this is on hold for now
Pre-change, my day was jam-packed, and I was forced to get more intentional with how I spend every minute.
Instead of filling my day with stuff that didn’t matter, it stared me in the face.
What matters right now?
For me…
Managing my energy.
Looking after my health.
Helping my family look after theirs.
Finding more work and play that lights me up.
Resting.
Raising resilient, kind, and healthy kids.
We had many hints up until this time that it was time to slow down. During a busy winter season, the kids fed-up with their packed schedule, there were days when the kids would ask, “Can we just stay home?”
They were feeling it too. And all they wanted to do was stay in their PJs, play video games, or play outside.
We had felt the need to over-schedule every single day with an activity. Because, what the heck would happen if our kids didn’t have somewhere to be every day of the week?
Much of it, we wouldn’t trade, and neither would the kids. Do they need to be engaged in two, even three different activities a season? What if they even found themselves bored and had to entertain themselves?
What could they create then? What if we could drop the urgency to feel productive, having to do?
Then what?
We’ve come to believe that we have to DO something to BE something.
Yes, we have some shit to do, and there are do-ers who we need to DO right now more than ever.
But when it comes to the busy work and the break-neck pace of life, it’s time to BE more than it is to DO.
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