Intuitive Writing Book Excerpt: Not writing is making you miserable
Enjoy this free chapter from Jacq’s latest book; Intuitive Writing: The Remedy for Writer’s Block & The Secret to Authentic Communication.
A big mahalo to Malana for sharing this pic of her book. Malana also contributed an inspiring story to the book.
Chapter 1: Not writing is making you miserable
You probably picked this book up because you’re not writing, and it’s making you crazy. People who aren’t writing and don’t care that they aren’t writing — this book isn’t for them.
Or, on the flip side, you’re writing boatloads, but not sharing your gifts with the world. You’ve turned the faucet on (which is great) and can’t seem to stop the flow long enough to edit and publish.
Personally, I have always found writing easy and fun, but a few years ago I found myself not doing the specific writing work I claimed was important to me — in other words, I wasn’t working on my creative writing projects.
I was a copywriter who let my first book project sit untouched for a year, collecting Google Doc dust. For months, churning out sentences for my personal writing projects felt painful, slow, and tedious.
Instead of putting my words where I said it was most important to me, I was using up all my creative brainpower to write words for everyone else. I’d dish out ideas to my clients on finishing their writing projects, yet I wasn’t taking my own advice.
In the summer of 2019, I completely stopped writing just for myself. I felt like I was forcing it, which is a terrible feeling. I also believe that when you’re forcing your writing, the reader feels forced to read it. Not good.
I maintained my client work that involved writing but stopped blogging, book writing, and social posting.
I’d had so many starts and stops on my creative projects that I was burnt out thinking about them. I still had a business to run, so I dedicated all my creative energy to writing words for clients.
But here’s the thing: Just because I stopped writing for myself didn’t mean I stopped thinking about writing for myself. On the contrary, I was obsessing about that writing. Here I was, right back in my long-train-commute, wishing-I-was-a-writer phase.
This sucked. It wasn’t a place I wanted to be. As a copywriter, I met all my deadlines and put my client work first. I’m a recovering people-pleaser and really good at keeping other people happy and putting my own desires last. This is great for running a business — to a point — until it’s not anymore.
The message my intuition was shouting at me was:
SURRENDER!
This would become my mantra for the rest of the summer — and, really, my life since then.
Surrendering meant to stop trying to push and force my way to the page. I was going to be okay with not writing. Taking a break was okay — and I could still call myself a writer.
As soon as I adopted this mantra, a weight fell off my shoulders. It was okay. I was okay. And I was still, in fact, enough.
Intuitive Writing Tip
When we’re challenged to surrender, it’s because we’re trying to control something. We have no control. With this knowledge, write with full surrender.
The only reason I can tell you about this now is that I’ve gotten through to the other side. I’m happy to report that I’ve spent the last few years writing instead of thinking about writing — and I can retrace the steps for you to follow (and, of course, adapt for yourself).
I also chose to give myself some grace because after we had moved to yet another state (from Illinois to New Jersey) and gotten the kids situated, I had kept up with all my business writing without really taking a breath. And now I really needed one.
The funny thing was, as soon as I decided to pause the blog and put the book edits off until later, I felt the pull to focus on writing email newsletters. Writing an email each week to the people who let me into their inboxes felt light and easy. Writing emails felt personal — and that I could do.
By taking the pressure off from blogging and book writing, I was able to find flow. And instead of continuing to feel shitty about it, in the work I did with my coach (yes, coaches have coaches too), I got really clear on my personal and business values.
After just two months away from the self-created pressure of writing my book, blog posts, and social posts, I found the motivation to write for myself again.
In order to align with my values, in fact, my own writing had to move to the top of my list. My coach and I agreed that I would commit three hours a week to my book projects.
By putting my own writing first, I was telling my brain:
I’m important.
It’s safe to be seen.
I show up and serve my clients better when I put myself and my values first.
The work I do matters.
My writing is how I share with the world and create an impact.
There’s nothing I have to tell you about writing that’s earth-shattering.
It’s all very simple:
Put your writing first. And sit down at the page and do your writing. I can’t do it for you. Sure, you could pay me to do it for you, but even as one of my copywriting clients, the most powerful and authentic words will come from you.
And yet this requires work and laser focus. For me, it came down to congruence. As a writer who coaches other creatives on how to do their writing, not doing my own writing was inauthentic.
To be completely congruent and authentic with myself, I had to put my creativity first. And not just once or some of the time, but all the time. Every day, no matter what demands life threw my way.
This meant pressing pause on consuming — courses, articles, podcasts, and books. No more information input. It meant going to bed on time, so I could wake up ready to go. It also meant looking after myself with movement and good food to have a clear mind when I came to the page.
Here are some of the specific actions I initially took to put my writing first:
Blocked time on my calendar throughout the week.
Stayed accountable by tracking my word count, writing, and editing progress.
Added it to my to-do list each day as the number one task.
Sent weekly reports of my word count updates to my coach.
Put my writing work first — scheduling a committed meeting with myself every day.
I’d make a plan to write for three hours a week, and sometimes I’d only write for one. I trusted that an hour a week was still progress. It was an hour more than I was doing before. And each week, all I could do was plan to write, carve out the time, sit down, and make it happen. Though the writing was rough, hour by hour, all that time really added up.
When we first get the words out of our brains, the writing isn’t usually pretty. It’s a whole lot of shitty first draft (SFD) writing, which I’ll tell you about in the next section. And that’s perfect. So often, we come to the page expecting a final draft to fall out of our fingertips. It doesn’t happen that way for me, or for anyone I know.
But what if you’re not writing? Maybe you call this “writer’s block.” You don’t know what to write about, starting is too hard, you don’t have anything interesting to say, and it’s going to take too long.
I call bullshit.
If that blinking cursor taunts you and you just can’t seem to get started, I get it because that used to be me. And that feeling is actually always there. Sometimes it’s stronger than at other times, though. And it can get quieter, I promise.
When I was at the height of my “block,” I’d open up a blank document, all ready to write. I would just sit there, quietly waiting for something prolific and brilliant to fall out of my fingertips. Nothing would happen, so I’d close my laptop, grab my phone, and start to scroll.
The single best way to bust through it is just to write. Write something. Write anything. Write a pile of shit. Write garbage. Expect to write crap. There’s no seven-step process, no rules, no secret, no magic pill. And if that’s what you were expecting this book to do for you, put it down now.
If it’s time to write a blog post and the words aren’t coming out, just start. Get it out, no matter how messy it is. Just write something. Anything. Switch gears and write an email, write a letter, write your grocery list, write some intentions for the day, free-write. It will help the words come more easily when you return to that thing you were trying to write in the first place.
Sometimes people come to writing sessions in my writing community and say things like:
“I have no idea what to write today, but I’m just going to start and see what comes up.”
Or “I was going to work on my new services copy today, but now that I’m here, I don’t feel like it. So I’m going to write something else.”
Or “There are eight things I need to write today so I’m going to pick whichever one calls to me first.”
Fantastic! I love it when this happens. These smarty-pants blocked the time on their calendar, made a plan, threw out the plan, showed up, and started writing anyway.
In the end, they’re still writing — even if it feels slow, clunky, awkward, and not quite right. The only way to bust through writer’s block is to go through. Whatever this looks like for you — and it will look different for you each day — is great.
There will always be time for editing, which is a whole other animal. We’ll get there. For now, our focus is on getting you writing. Period.
Procrastination, perfectionism, & people-pleasing
Back in my corporate days, I’d sit up straight in interviews and confidently announce that my “weakness” was perfectionism. You know, making it sound like my obsession with getting things right was a strength, and that’s why they should hire me.
It worked back then, but it doesn’t work for me anymore. I was lying to myself and not doing my creative projects any favors.
In a conversation with some business friends one afternoon, I announced, “Oh, I’ve never really been a perfectionist; I write stuff, sometimes give it a quick review, then publish it.”
The next day, I had a tremendous insight — half-assing it is a form of perfectionism.
Merriam-Webster defines perfectionism as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”
Well, holy shit, that definition sounds fucking exhausting. My personal brand of perfectionism looked like kinda, sorta launching my writing community on my birthday without an actual plan. The built-in safety net: If no one buys, I can chalk it up to not trying that hard.
This kind of action can be fine — but half-assing every launch is not going to be supportive of my long-term business growth.
My form of perfectionism also looks like intentionally choosing low targets that I knew I could hit. If I set a teensy goal, I get to say I did it, and it was a breeze. And even more, I get to keep my “perfect” image up. I avoided failure, when instead, I just needed to reframe failure.
Perfectionism can also show up as keeping all your goals to yourself. If no one knows about them, they’ll never know if you missed your target.
This weird habit started for me in grade school. School came very easily for me. I rarely studied, did my homework the day I got it, listened in class, raised my hand, and did everything I was supposed to do. In return, I brought home tokens of my enough-ness in the form of pats on the back and straight As.
Perfectionism, procrastination, people-pleasing — it’s me trying to avoid judgment. It’s why I blogged five days a week for the first few months so people would think I was an expert who knew what she was doing. But most importantly, I had to make it look easy. I did that by working so hard I had to force the je ne sais quoi. On the surface, I could look like I was “in the flow,” but behind the scenes, I was creating my own stress.
Perfectionism for some creative business owners can look like tweaking website copy for months or hiring experts — only to fire them and say they don’t understand you. It also looks like waiting to publish a newsletter because you’re not sure what to say or spending hours each week obsessing over every email.
I get it. So many of us have our very own brand of perfectionism. Mine was just a little less obvious.
Intuitive Writing Tip
Procrastinating on your writing does not mean you’re lazy. Procrastination can often stem from mindset blocks.
You and me, we’re no different from each other. I might have more practice pushing through the not-writing part. You can get to the other side. The only difference is a pile of words.
Doing your writing isn’t about finding the time, making the time, or creating some new project- or task-management plan. Not writing has to do with procrastination — and that’s usually tangled up in perfectionism.
If you’re nodding along, then you’re likely procrastinating. In the beginning, as you start writing, you’re working to bust through the old story; if you can’t take perfect action, you’ll take no action. If you can’t write a perfect book, blog, or email, you won’t do it. You can’t take criticism, so you decide to do nothing. It’s much safer that way. Well, do you want to be safe, or do you want to have words on the page?
The best way to never get criticized is never to write a thing. And I know that’s not why you started reading this book.
If you constantly land in a cycle of procrastination, I want to make it clear that you are not lazy. Far from it. Procrastination can bubble up as a response to wounding. We’ll talk about why healing your past wounds is essential to being able to write — and write well. We’re all on a lifelong healing journey, and you can absolutely write while healing. I’m doing the healing work right alongside you while I write.
As your writing coach on this journey, my job is to help get you started and keep you going. I’m not here to do the work for you — only you can do that. I’m not here to enable you or listen to your “inner children” listing all of the reasons that you don’t have time to, or can’t, write. In unhealed people, the inner children are running the show. It’s okay for kids to be kids, but kids shouldn’t run an adult’s life.
I want you to publish your website, your blog, and your books. I want you to write a shitty first draft, quickly edit it, and publish it. I want you to take imperfect action — over and over and over. Over time, your actions (and your writing) will become more aligned.
The world doesn’t need your perfect prose.
It needs your words.
It needs you to create the impact that only you can make. Many choose to do nothing. Many choose to overthink all those words and keep them to themselves.
If you’re reading this and you’ve read more than a dozen books on writing and haven’t published your writing yet — I invite you to put this book down for a few minutes and ask yourself if you’re procrastinating. Write something super-fast before picking this book back up — take a baby step into the writing habit.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
What was your purpose for picking up this book? What do you hope to achieve?
What have you tried before?
How does perfectionism show up in your writing?
What writing are you procrastinating about right now?
What will happen if you stop procrastinating? What’s possible?
Chapter 1 is just getting warmed up!
