A Simple Strategy To Infuse Your Sales Copy With Empathetic Writing
In my intuitive writing classes, I talk about the language we use in our minds and on the page using two frames:
Away-from language: Moving away from or rejecting what you don’t want. Or talking about what you want by focusing on what you don’t want. Some everyday examples: “I don’t want to get sick.” “I don’t want to work in a cubicle anymore.” “I can’t do business with realtors anymore.”
Toward language: Moving forward and toward what you want. “I’m healthy’ “I want to work from my gorgeous home office.” “I prefer to work with creative business owners.”
👆 Read over the examples of each again and notice how you feel as you read each type of statement.
While both might feel natural, depending on the language you use in your head and out loud, the toward-language example feels more uplifting and lighter, right?
Our away-froms can be excellent motivators to stop doing something. “I don’t want to be stuck in a 9-to-5 job anymore.”
These away-froms can get us going. However, for long-term momentum that feels better than sprinting in the opposite direction, we need to use more toward-focused language.
“I’m going to build a business on the side that feels good, and grow it so I can become a full-time entrepreneur.”
See the difference? Feel the difference?
Let’s look at some more examples.
Away-from: “I don’t want to be on video.”
Toward: “I prefer audio-only so I can focus.”
Away-from: “I don’t want to work with 1:1 clients anymore.”
Toward: “I’m going to explore working with groups.”
Away-from: “I don’t want to ghostwrite anymore.”
Toward: “I’m going to coach authors.”
See the difference?
Feel the difference?
Do your thoughts, speech, and writing naturally learn toward positive or negative statements?
What about your potential client’s language?
Now, because of our human negativity bias, the away-from might come first. Over time, we can consciously train that bias to be toward. And in our work with clients, they might use away-froms to describe their problems. Then, we’ll want to flip the language to the positive when we talk about the solution and the benefits of working with us.
I’ve been paying attention to my thoughts for years. I catch my thoughts and language and am constantly rewriting thoughts in my head all day long.
What does this have to do with writing?
And when should we use away-from or toward language in our sales copy?
Writing with more toward-focused language can create an unconsciously positive sentiment with your reader.
Is that to say we should completely avoid away-from language? No. If we did that, we wouldn’t be listening to our audience. It would be like our potential client telling us what’s bothering them, and then we totally ignore it and say something sickeningly sweet. We want to listen to how they describe their problem, and then reflect their words back to them. This is empathy.
If we’re writing a sales page, this is sale copy that’s intended to speak directly to our ideal audience.
So if our potential clients are in away-from city when they first come to us (remember this is before they’ve experienced our brilliance), we'll want to echo some of their exact statements to make sure they feel seen, heard, and understood.
If we pack a sales page in 100% positive language, this is when it can start to feel watered down, fake, and contrived. Which we know doesn’t connect.
We want to write authentically and sell with empathy.
Here’s what empathy looks like in sales copy.
Talk about your ideal client’s goal using the exact terms they use.
But what if your ideal client only uses negative language to describe what they want?
That’s fine. Use their exact language, and then balance it out with positive statements on the rest of the sales page.
Taking your one big overarching promise of your offer, how does your client say they want it? Start there.
Since you’ll be talking about your potential client’s goal a lot, use positive language that will support them in reaching this goal. By doing so, you’re planting feel-good seeds to help them see what’s possible and feel good about it.
We want our clients to sign up to work with us because they’re excited, hopeful, and feeling good, not because they’re too scared not to. We’ve all seen fear-based sales copy and it feels like shit to read. Not to mention, it can attract the kind of clients we don’t want.
Here’s an example of how this would look in sales copy:
Sample pain points:
You’re tired of talking about starting your new business.
You don’t want to work another day for your shitty boss.
You feel embarrassed when your friends and family ask about your “little” side business. You know it has potential, but you don’t have enough time to spend on it.
Notice the negative words and emotions. In this example, this is exactly what this person is feeling.
Now, we balance the rest with what they want:
You’re excited to share your new business. Talking about it feels new, and you’re willing to do what it takes to grow your business into your full-time income.
You love waking up every morning to work from your gorgeous home office and enjoy complete time freedom.
When people imply your business is a hobby, you smile because you know you’re creating something worthwhile that fills your soul and people's needs.
Notice the language is positive and looking toward what your reader wants.
Future-state sales page writing
Imagine your ideal client just finished working with you. Poof! You’ve fast-tracked their success and they’ve reached the goals they set out to achieve. You helped them get there. They did the work. Amazing! This is why you do this work.
Before you write your sales copy, here are some prompts to explore. Take your time and go deep with these. Really FEEL how your ideal client feels.
What does your client’s life look like when they’re done?
Where do they see these results?
Where can this take them?
How did they feel along the way?
Looking back, what are they proud of?
What are they wearing?
What’s in their cup?
What’s possible for them now that wasn’t before?
How are they celebrating?
Start writing whatever comes to mind as you’re focusing on your client’s future state.
Then, edit your writing to be in the present tense, as if it’s here today.
Here’s an example:
You’re so happy and grateful that you easily and joyfully wrote your beautiful book with a deep red cover. You hug your work of art into your heart feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. Even better, seeing this book out in the world in readers’ hands brings tremendous joy, abundance, and prosperity.
Then, keep going with what you see, sense, and feel — as if it’s true today, right in the present moment.
The key to balancing positive and negative language on a sales page — aim for roughly 75/25.
75% positive
25% negative
This is approximate. As an intuitive writer, you’re not going to count positive and negative sentences (please save your energy for more productive things!). Instead, you’ll scan the entire piece and give it a rough estimate.
Different industries and products will have different looks. I recommend using 100% positive language on some sales pages.
In the end, when you listen to your potential clients and write from your heart (not your head), writing with empathy will feel like breathing.
Imagine your sales pages are attracting great prospects.
What would be possible for if your sales copy was filled with compelling language that speaks directly to your ideal customer’s souls?
More sales.
Better clients.
A growing business with work you love.
