13 Lessons From Writing Hard Things
On the list of articles I wanted to write this month was “writing hard things.” The hard things I was thinking of initially were about having tricky conversations with clients, communicating your value to prospects, and saying no.
Instead, I share this advice to hopefully help you apply it to any communication that feels fumbly or scary (maybe topics you don’t typically discuss) — racism, sexism, politics, turning down events, apologizing, getting paid, admitting mistakes, and more.
In the future, I’ll update this article with links to much more specific ones. For this advice, I aimed to keep it high level.
First, some background on how I learned how to write hard things:
One of my first real jobs was for a community news organization, and my job was to organize a 200-person junior-citizens awards event, communicating to the dozen families who won, summarizing their stories for a walk or roll (some were in wheelchairs) across a stage, and for print materials at the event. Most of these kids did tremendous acts of service for their communities while grappling with life-threatening diseases, disorders, crippling accidents, and brain tumors. I was 19, and I had a tremendous responsibility to capture their stories accurately and do it in a way that was honest and inspiring. I was afraid I’d say the wrong thing or use the wrong term and offend someone.
From 2004-2009, I worked in management consulting where our clients were federal government and state agencies. I worked on a team of consultants who wrote proposals bidding on projects worth millions of dollars — our jobs literally depended on winning. On one project, I messed up big time and had to document how I made the error and all the new precautions our company would take to make sure it never happened again. I had to send someone home from the office to change for not adhering to the dress code. I sometimes had to talk to angry tobacco farmers looking for money as part of a call center operation (you wear many hats in consulting). I had to tell my director I was pregnant when I was worried that would put my job at risk. I had hard conversations with junior consultants who made mistakes and needed to improve their performance.
From 2009 until 2012, I worked for a major telecommunications company. BlackBerry, maybe you've heard of them? I wrote crisis communications — taking a bunch of complex tech speak and making it easy for the rest of the world to understand. A job where the learning curve was at least 6 months to where most of us were kinda sorta clear on what the hell we were talking about. I was afraid I’d say something completely wrong, or dumb and we’d get sued.
From 2012-2017, I was back in management consulting, communicating to large enterprise employees why switching to a particular software was good for them. I wrote webinar scripts and emails to a large healthcare corporation about why a new way of working would be more secure, and easier — kind of, in the long run, but first it’s going to suck. I wrote emails communicating mass layoffs and restructuring.
From 2017 until today, as a business owner, copywriter, and writing coach, I follow up on late invoices, remind clients about the scope of work we agreed on, and say no to opportunities that don’t align with my business goals and priorities. I also help other business owners say hard things — like canceling in-person events, sharing their stance on social distancing, racism, and equity, editing their messaging mistakes.
I’ve been saying hard things for a long time, and while it doesn’t get any easier, I am more confident.
I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I’ll likely continue to make some.
Here are some of my top lessons from writing hard things for 15+ years.
1. Say something sooner rather than later.
If you can, speak up as soon as possible. I know this gets more difficult the bigger the team size, and the more layers of approval anything needs to go through before hitting send. This might mean you spend less time talking with your team about what to write and more time writing a quick draft and editing from there.
2. Use active voice.
As much as possible, avoiding passive voice will generally make your writing more engaging. When saying hard things, when you use the passive voice, it adds distance between the messenger and the events. Now, there are times when you need to use passive voice. This is a style choice. Active voice makes your writing clearer and more conversational. While the passive voice requires the verb “to be” and a past participle — you’d use passive voice if you wanted to focus on the person doing something rather than the act.
Example:
a) Passive: It was brought to my attention that some comments were said, or I was made aware.
b) Active: I learned about these comments...
3. Use positive language.
Notice how often you use can’t, don’t, won’t, shouldn’t — can you reframe and turn it around and tell it like you want it to be?
Example:
Don’t hesitate to reach out. “Don’t” here adds a negative tone. And then, the reader sees “hesitate,” so they will hesitate to reach out. Use this if you don’t actually want a reply.
Get in touch with your questions. Positive, concise, and upbeat.
4. Use future-focused language.
What will happen next? Now that you shared information, what does that mean for your reader, what are you doing now?
Example:
I made a mistake. Sorry.
I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I [explain what you did specifically]. Here’s what I’m doing now … Here’s what I’m going to do next week. I’ll report back on [date].
5. Keep the blame.
Blame almost always makes you look like a jerk. You’re diverting attention from yourself and trying to get someone to focus on something else. Sometimes at BlackBerry, a service would go down, but it wasn’t BlackBerry’s fault and was something on the service carrier’s end. We’d never say — it was Verizon! Or AT&T! Or whoever. Incorporating the language of possibility and keeping it positive, we’d say something like, “Users might have experienced problems using this feature for 10 minutes, and we haven't determined the source of the problem.” Blaming others does not help anyone. If some of the blame belongs to you, admit it.
6. Admit when you don’t know something.
Never make something up. It’s okay just to say you don’t know. Even if you’re not sure what to say, get quiet and listen to what’s coming up for you. You can say you’re not sure what to say, and make a plan to follow up.
7. Be specific.
Details matter. Don’t say, “I’m a screw-up” or “I made a mistake in my last email,” say, “I screwed up on that response. I wrote bananas when I should have written apples.” Put the focus on the specific details of the event.
Especially if you’re apologizing, be super specific — when it feels painfully obvious to you as the writer, you might be specific enough.
8. Apologize when you need to.
If you’ve messed up, distinctly say, “I’m sorry,” and “I apologize.” Full stop. You can then detail what specifically you’re sorry for and keep it focused on you and the action, not the other person.
Instead of, “I’m sorry that you may have felt this way.” Nope. If someone told you they felt a certain way, they did. That is their truth and you have no business judging it.
Try, “I’m sorry for putting you on the spot during our meeting. That wasn’t fair.”
If it’s something like your email reply took longer than normal, try, “Thank you for your patience.” See the difference? Repeat after me, “Thank. You. For. Your. Patience.” Instead of placing focus on the F-up that you made, focus on them while you’re complimenting them for their patience.
9. Keep it short.
Brevity is the key to my heart. When it comes to communicating a crisis or an apology or sticky situation, if you drone on and on, you’re just going to make people angrier. Keep it simple; edit out extra words ruthlessly. When you write extra words for hard-to-say things, it can seem like you’re hiding something or worse, lying.
10. No BUTS allowed.
Buts are the worst. Read your tricky piece when you’re finished and see if you can replace the “but” with “and” or remove it completely. Adding a “but” after anything can negate what you just said. When you use it, it can sound like you’re on the defense.
11. Start with the truth, then edit.
And I do NOT mean edit out the truth. Sometimes hard things are — well, hard to say. Write it the way it sounds in your head — get it out and onto the page knowing you’ll work with it later. Writing and editing are two very distinct, separate activities. You will almost never publish your SFD of anything — especially something hard to say.
12. Proofread, proofread, proof.
When you’re communicating anything that needs care, it needs to be correct. I like to call this flawless execution. It’s one of the handful of times in my life being a perfectionist serves me well. Print it out, and have a friend review it. Let it sit for an hour or a day — you’ll find mistakes easier.
13. If it’s an email, write the message first, add recipients last.
If you’re drafting a crucial email, write it in another application or even if you draft it in email first, do NOT add the recipients until you’re finished. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a half-assed, unfinished email, you know why it sucks.
Words always matter.
Because words can hurt and harm, they can also fix, repair, inspire, and uplift.
They matter even more when you’re communicating on difficult topics.
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