How To Write Hard Things

When was the last time you had something hard to say in writing?

Of course, if your difficult conversation needs to happen in person, then please do that. 

Assuming you’ve already filtered through other communication mediums, and you’re sure that email is the best method, keep reading.

Here’s a simple strategy I learned when working in crisis communications at BlackBerry.

Got a difficult email to write? 

Start with the truth. 

Need to tell a prospect you’re not taking on one-on-one clients anymore even though you said a month ago that you would? Start with the truth. 

Need to back out of making 48 cookies for the bake sale? Start with the truth.

Need to quit your job? Start with the truth.

Want to say no to the potential client who’s not a good fit? Start with the truth.

Dying to tell the person you've been seeing for a few months that you love ‘em? Start with the truth.

Okay, so start with the truth, then what?

Start with the truth, then edit. 

By “truth” I mean write the ugly way you’d say it without a filter. And by “edit” I don’t mean edit out the truth, but instead, edit to make it kind, effective, inclusive, and productive. 

This is my best writing advice for writing hard things.

What to do before you start writing:

1. Notice what you’re feeling. Anger, irritation, frustration, fear? Where’s it coming from? See if you can move that emotion out before you start writing. Writing when you’re feeling negative emotions can come across in your writing. 

2. Decide if you need to write the email RIGHT NOW. Can it wait until tomorrow when you’ve had some clarity? If it can wait, you might have a clearer perspective.

3. Get grounded, put your feet on the ground, and take a deep breath or 10.

4. Figure out what you want to happen. What’s your intention in communicating? What’s your highest hope for sending this email?

When you start writing:

1. Do NOT fill out the “TO” line in your email. Do that last in case you need to edit something. We’ve all sent an email before we were ready. This is the best way to avoid it. 

2. When it’s time to start writing, clear your brain cobwebs and let the truth pour out. Don't edit as you write. Let it all fall out.

3. Put the email away for 5 minutes, take a walk, or take an hour and eat lunch. Come back to it when you’re ready. 

When you’re editing:

1. See if a feedback sandwich makes sense. 

   • Positive

   • constructive / truth

   • Positive

   • Next steps if any

2. What your email might look like:
   Hi potential client,
   I’m excited for our chat later [positive]. 

I know that when we first connected I said I was taking on 1:1 clients. My priorities have shifted and my focus is on growing my group program. [truth] 

You’re doing really amazing things with your business and I’d love to support you in any way possible, even if that means passing along some other recommendations [positive]

I wanted you to know this before our consult, and if you want to cancel, I completely appreciate that. [next step]

Some things to notice in this sample email:

• Keep it positive — if you can avoid negative language like don’t, can’t, won’t, do it

• Use active voice instead of passive. Passive and negative would have said, “It’s been determined that I can’t take on 1:1 clients anymore because I don’t like that work.” That could have been your “truth” —  get the ugly way out and then edit

• Keep it kind — always always always. If you need to send a “mean” email — consider if you need to send anything at all

• Think about relationships — I grew my corporate career and business with relationships. Basically, be a good human. Even though someone might not be a great fit for you, doesn’t mean you need to cancel, you can show up, serve, give them some potential names of people who can help, wish them well, and even consider following up in a few months to see how it’s going. Who knows, maybe later on, they might be a good fit for you, or they’ll send a dreamy client your way. 

Honest and direct communication is clear and kind. Words are powerful, and if you can serve in any way, see where you can do that — show up and be useful, in every single word.