Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

The tears started just seconds after launching.

Sunday night we told the kids that we booked a kayak rental for 9 am the next morning.

Right after we told them this, T had questions. Lots of them. 

"Have you done it before?"

"What does it look like?"

"Are there alligators?"

My responses:

Yes.

I'll show you

And yes, but you won't see them. They don't like people. 

We scrolled through pictures of the rental site where we looked at photos of calm waters, hidden waterways nestled beneath trees, and talked about what to expect.

She was scared and she said so. 

All was fine at check-in. She pet the mascot dog, grabbed a life preserve, and got settled into the front seat. 

The guys launched the kayak then I hopped into the back. Which she also didn't understand — as someone who likes controlling what I can, when you're new, can't see what's happening, and have to trust (I felt this way on airplanes for a long time. 

The tears came right away. 

"I don't like this!"

"I want to go back!"

This wasn't going to be the relaxing water experience I imagined. 

It was a balancing act as a parent. 

Force her? For how long?

Ignore her and let her work it out?

Talk to her about her fears?

Now, I've been on a kayak or canoe several times — a decade ago and wouldn't call myself a pro by any means. 

But you bet I sure as shit acted like a pro that day. 

She needed me to be a pro.

Ry and J were beside us in another kayak, trying to help calm her too.

The tears would stop when she was paddling. So I talked her through how to paddle. Showed her how to hold the paddle, and helped her find a rhythm. 

I told her not to worry about which side she was paddling on as my job was to steer.

She'd get quiet and find her groove. Then the fear would creep up again. 

Tears. She was paralyzed and couldn't move. 

After 30 minutes of heading out (staying close to shore where it was calm, and also seeing what I'm pretty sure was a shark but didn't dare tell her). We decided that was enough pushing and it was time to go back. The boys continued on to fish, and we turned around. 

Except since we left the launch with Ry I wasn't paying attention to where we were. "He knows the way" I'd think. Turns out I should have paid attention. I pretended to know where were going. Thankfully there were lots of other boaters who I could ask. They pointed me in the right direction. 

Then we watched a boater stick his hand in the water and fall out as he flipped his kayak. It was 2 feet of water, so not all that scary. It looked like there was something in the water. T starts panicking again, "What's that?!?"

Oh god. 

Turns out he just dropped something and in the drama of trying to save something that was obviously not waterproof, flipped the kayak. Phew. 

We made it back. Our total trip was an hour, so for someone full of fear, I'd say that was a win. 

And instead of accepting that we'll never do it again, I asked when we were going to do it again. 

"Maybe next weekend."

Just a few weeks later, she said she wants to kayak all the time. We purchased two tandem kayaks and have been out every weekend since.

Now, imagine what would have happened if I didn’t push her. We’d have missed out on…

• seeing beautiful crystal springs

• swimming in the cool water

• hanging out with manatees (this one alone is worth it!)

Here’s a little reminder for you: feel the fear and keep going. You never know what you’ll get to experience.

If you enjoyed this story you’ll for sure love the ones inside my book, Unfussy Life.